Come as You Are(n't)
Acrylic Painting
approx. 20x25 inches

For the past 6 years or so, I've been meditating on and reading about faith, spirituality & religion. This painting is a visual culmination of all my recent thoughts, and it's completion felt like a cathartic release. As I continued to read, play, & watch things, the scene grew in symbolic complexity until I decided to heed:

Window/Door Archways: A portal. A transition from feeling abandoned, left out, or barred from entry to whatever wonderful, powerful, mystical thing lies inside. Two archways on either side are bricked up to suggest something already being lost.

Magical Symbol Combination: Representing my own internal blending/jumbling of faiths and beliefs within my spiritual journey. The top-most glyph is sun-like, but also doubles as an ever-watchful eye. I have foundational childhood memories of Christianity, so the cross is center with radiating rays outward. Then, I branched into Pagan and Wiccan-adjacent practices, such as following the moon phases; and now more broadly follow planets and astrology, symbolized by the 12 zodiac symbols. The bird-like symbol near the bottom of the window is a stylized version of the Sankofa bird. The word Sankofa is from the Akan language in Ghana, West Africa, and translates to 'go back and get'. It symbolizes looking back to the past to retrieve strength, hope, or wisdom. Furthermore, by comparing it against the other symbols, it represents elevating the seemingly mundane, nature, to sacredness too, so that we may feel more interconnected with the whole world around us, not just with humans.

Ghost Child: Vulnerability & youthful curiosity. The feeling of being lost. I painted the figure to look unisex, so that more people may be able to see themselves in the image. Such questions and reflections about faith and belonging are a universal experience. An eye is intentionally missing, intersected by the kudzu in the background. The vine threatens the child similar to how it threatens the portal.

Kudzu Plant Vine: A threat; something requiring maintenance and care, growing towards the window and threatening to overtake it. I heard history about the plant once upon a time being heavily spread & invested in, only to now grow rampantly and out of control. Could symbolize time, negligence, distortion, or even capitalism. Something that overtakes, separates, and pulls generations and people away from each other.

Dandelions: Whimsical tools for wishes, yet disposable weeds at the same time. Herbs. Something to add variety to the grass and ground area.

Church Wall/ Graveyard: I'd drive with my mother and notice a graveyard separated by road. When I wondered why, I learned about the the long history of Black monuments, churches, and graveyards being forcefully destroyed, built over, or neglected to deterioration.

Blue Monochromatic Color Palette: I learned about the history of the color Haint Blue. It's a shade of light blue that Gullah Geechee belief says protects against evil spirits. Keeping the piece simple with different shades of blue helped me focus on the values, instead of picking different or correct hues.

Outer Frame: Evokes Christian church imagery; as if the painting could be found hanging in a church. The frame elevates the painting scene to a level of holiness, and helps it command respect and attention. Platinum coloring was perfect in-between of traditional gold church frames & a more silver, gothic frame. A nod towards a transition/turning from gold to silver.

Title and acronym are a reference to the saying popularly attributed to Christians. The title reflects my life experiences that revealed conflicts in actions verses stated beliefs: I could not understand how Christianity was projected to be loving and welcoming, yet the most vocal nearby Christians in my childhood were so particularly hateful and cruel towards LGBTQ+ people? I can not understand how a Christian parent would hate and punish their gay child to the extent of torturing them to transition/conversion therapy, possibly pushing them towards an early grave... So: the title of the painting is a refute to the saying; a challenge, and even a joke. C.A.Y.A. is versatile, and can also double as the figure's name.

Earlier preliminary sketches were more somber in tone, communicated by the figure's pose being more condensed and fearful, similar to a fetal position. The more I read, played, watched, prayed, and meditated, my thoughts changed so that I no longer felt so sad or fearful about the project, or about religion and faith overall. Through this process, I've centered in on the functions of faith, and less on the labels. Doing so has helped me towards a comforting realization that there is no Wrong way for me to do faith. Thus, reflecting my change in approach, the figure's finalized pose was changed to be more relaxed, playful, or sly. A smiling, curious expression on their face. No longer afraid, but perhaps empowered.